How Contractors Can Build a Business Without Losing Their Family
The paramount concern addressed in this podcast episode is the imperative to prevent one's business from encroaching upon personal life, thereby stealing precious moments from family and self. We elucidate the profound implications of allowing business chaos to permeate the sanctity of home life, which often manifests in heightened stress, deteriorating relationships, and a sense of overwhelming burden. Through candid discussions, we share our personal experiences and the lessons learned from traversing the tumultuous path of balancing a thriving business with a nurturing home environment. It is our intention to illuminate the significance of mutual understanding and support between partners as they navigate the complexities of work and family life. Ultimately, we aspire to guide listeners in forging a harmonious existence where both business aspirations and familial bonds flourish concurrently.
Takeaways:
- The chaotic nature of a business can significantly disrupt personal life and family dynamics.
- It is essential for couples to maintain alignment in their goals to avoid resentment during challenging periods.
- Both partners must recognize the weight each carries in balancing work and home responsibilities effectively.
- A successful relationship involves mutual support, understanding, and appreciation for each other's roles and challenges.
- Building a business should not come at the expense of family time and personal relationships, as priorities must be set accordingly.
- Intentional communication and shared vision can help couples navigate the complexities of business ownership and family life.
Links referenced in this episode:
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Contractor Freedom
Transcript
If we're not careful, the business is going to steal from our lives.
Speaker B:There are so many women out there that don't have a husband, that has a job even, or that takes care of them or wants to take care of them.
Speaker B:And I know that when he walks in the door and he's been working all day, that's all he's doing.
Speaker B:He's providing for us.
Speaker A:I'll never forget, I'm sitting in my office one day and in the middle of the day, you walk in with one of the kids screaming and plop this kid right on my desk and, and said, I'm leaving her with you.
Speaker A:And I said, honey, I'm doing all of this for you and the kids.
Speaker A:And you looked at me and you said, jason, I don't need any of this.
Speaker A:You said, I'd rather live in a shack and have you than have a mansion and have you working all the time.
Speaker A:Welcome to the Contractor Freedom Podcast.
Speaker A:I'm Jason Phillips.
Speaker A:If you're tired of feeling trapped by the business you worked so hard to build, you're in the right place.
Speaker A:As a multimillion dollar contractor and founder of Contractor Freedom, I've learned that freedom comes from mastering your leading others and building systems.
Speaker A:Each week, I'll help you build a business that serves your life.
Speaker A:Because the goal isn't to build a bigger prison, is to build a business that creates freedom.
Speaker A:Welcome to Contractor Freedom.
Speaker A:Let's go.
Speaker A:A chaotic business follows you home.
Speaker A:It doesn't stay at work.
Speaker A:It follows you in the front door.
Speaker A:It sits down at your dinner table, and heck, it even hops back in your car on your way to church.
Speaker A:And the chaotic business just wants to eat your life, your home life alive, your health, your marriage, your parenting.
Speaker A:That chaotic business will encroach on every area of your life that you will let it.
Speaker A:And you know, I'm speaking for the guys here, most of the guys here, us guys, don't like to admit there's problems at home.
Speaker A:The friction at home, the turmoil at home, the stress at home.
Speaker A:When you carry the chaos of business home, it causes problems.
Speaker A:And I feel like people should talk about this more.
Speaker A:So that's why today, I've invited my amazing queen Rochelle to be with us today.
Speaker A:And we're gonna.
Speaker A:We're gonna talk about it.
Speaker A:You know, many of you, many of you guys and gals listening, you're on chapter one, two or three of your story, and we're on chapter 10.
Speaker A:And we've done a lot of things right.
Speaker A:We've also done A lot of things wrong and want to share.
Speaker A:Want to share those with you.
Speaker A:The.
Speaker A:You know, the.
Speaker A:We paid full price for a lot of our lessons, didn't we, honey?
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:We paid full price for those lessons.
Speaker A:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker A:I don't.
Speaker A:I don't even want to remember.
Speaker A:I don't even want to think about so many of those.
Speaker A:You know, we.
Speaker A:We learned a lot through the.
Speaker A:Through the school of hard knocks.
Speaker A:And look, so let me.
Speaker A:Let me say this.
Speaker A:We're not here today to tell you how to live your life.
Speaker A:We're going to tell you how we've lived ours.
Speaker A:The choices we've made, the good choices and the bad choices, and.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And let you, you know, decide for yourself.
Speaker A:You don't want your business to fail, and you certainly don't want your marriage or your family to fail either.
Speaker A:And sometimes a lot of guys.
Speaker A:And as I'm saying, guys, this could be gals to feel like they have to choose one or the other, and it doesn't have.
Speaker A:It just simply doesn't have to be that way.
Speaker A:So we.
Speaker A:We want to help you build a marriage and a business that both survive that pain.
Speaker A:That pain follows you home.
Speaker A:And, Rachelle, can you think about a time when maybe I walked in the door and you knew I was carrying something before I even talked about it?
Speaker A:Do you think of anything in particular?
Speaker B:You mean recently?
Speaker B:Or, like, just.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:Ever?
Speaker A:Ever?
Speaker B:Well, we've been married 31 years, so it's a lot of times to try to think through.
Speaker B:But there are times, though, that I can feel the heaviness that walks in the door with you.
Speaker B:You may try to cover it up the best you can, but I know you too well, and I just know that you're walking in and something's wrong.
Speaker B:Like, not that you're telling everyone what's wrong or acting like something's wrong.
Speaker B:I just can.
Speaker B:I can just sense it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:One of the things that I've tried to do is through the years, protect you from that.
Speaker A:Let me give a little backstory here first, real quick.
Speaker A:When Rochelle and I met and we started dating, one of the things that we were very aligned on was our ideal future together.
Speaker A:And I'm the guy that wants to go out, kill something, drag it back, and have her cook it.
Speaker A:And that's the same thing that she wanted as well.
Speaker A:We both wanted a whole mess of kids, which we got some amazing kids, but we were aligned on that.
Speaker A:And that may.
Speaker A:That may not be the case for you.
Speaker A:Y' all may both be career People.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Or career people for now.
Speaker A:And that's okay.
Speaker A:Whatever.
Speaker A:Whatever you've chosen is fine.
Speaker A:But that was one of the things that was really important to both of us that we wanted.
Speaker A:We wanted the same thing.
Speaker A:We wanted the same thing for.
Speaker A:For the future and one of my values.
Speaker A:Again, I'm speaking for Jason here.
Speaker A:I'm not going to speak for you.
Speaker A:I feel like it's my responsibility that Rochelle doesn't ever feel the financial pressure such that she feels like she needs to go get a job and make money.
Speaker A:And I feel like.
Speaker A:I feel like that's the man's job.
Speaker A:Now, that may be very controversial, but if Rachelle wants to work, she can work.
Speaker A:If she doesn't want to work, she doesn't have to work.
Speaker A:It's her option.
Speaker A:And I think that's the drive that us guys should have, is, hey, if she wants to have a career, fine.
Speaker A:If she doesn't, fine, too.
Speaker A:Because a lot of couples, they both have a career, but then they want to have a family, and they get addicted to two incomes, and now they're in a catch 22.
Speaker A:She wants to stay home with the kids and not put them in daycare, but they.
Speaker A:They're now living on the budget of those both incomes.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:That's a tough place to be in.
Speaker A:And thankfully, it's not a decision that we really had to face because we made that decision early on.
Speaker A:Which reminds me of.
Speaker A:Oh, man.
Speaker A:One day I came in late from work, and Rachelle was.
Speaker A:She was in the kitchen.
Speaker A:I don't know if you're cleaning, did dinner or clean up from dinner, or I was just in.
Speaker A:In time, on time for dinner, but.
Speaker A:But I walked in the door, and it was tough times.
Speaker A:I don't remember exactly what was going on.
Speaker A:I was feeling a lot of financial pressure.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:This was probably 25 years ago.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And I said, honey, you.
Speaker A:You met me and.
Speaker A:And I said, honey, I may need you to get a job.
Speaker A:And you looked at me with those kind eyes, and you're like, get a job.
Speaker A:No, you can get a second job.
Speaker A:I'm like, what the heck?
Speaker A:What the heck just happened?
Speaker A:She got, like, fangs.
Speaker B:I don't know why he remembers it so badly.
Speaker A:Tell us from your side of the story.
Speaker B:That's not what was said.
Speaker A:How do you remember it?
Speaker B:We probably had two and a half children at the time, maybe three.
Speaker B:And I was like, I don't.
Speaker B:I wouldn't make enough money to do it.
Speaker B:Like, anything worth putting anything worth on the table, like, I wouldn't have added any value.
Speaker B:I don't have a skill or an education and I was trying to raise kids and everything all by myself pretty much anyways.
Speaker B:And I was like, what am I supposed to do?
Speaker B:Go put them in daycare and go make $10 an hour like flipping burgers?
Speaker B:Like, I don't know what he thought it was gonna do.
Speaker A:I don't know what, I don't know what I thought you were gonna do either.
Speaker B:But it's not in my skill set to, to be the provider.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker B:But not who I am built for that.
Speaker B:I can't carry that load.
Speaker A:What you were really saying is, is that's not what we've chosen.
Speaker B:Right, Right.
Speaker B:And I maybe did say it very matter of factly, but you seem to remember me being very rude or short with it.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker A:Yeah, not that you were rude, but.
Speaker B:It was just, it wasn't even a possibility because what was it going to do for us?
Speaker A:Was it going to net us anything by the time we do any good?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So there's, look, we've, we've been married over 31 years now.
Speaker A:Closer to 32 now.
Speaker A:But, but there's been fat times, there's been lean times, there's been, you know, times when, when money was great.
Speaker A:Times when money was tight.
Speaker A:Times when we had some major people problems.
Speaker A:Health problems.
Speaker A:Health problems.
Speaker A:You've, you know, you've beat cancer twice and had a baby almost every other year as well along the way.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And so, but look, here's the deal.
Speaker A:Running a business, running a business is hard.
Speaker A:Running a business is hard.
Speaker A:And I know a lot of guys, they don't want to, they don't want to dump their business concerns on their wife.
Speaker A:But here's the thing is if we're containing something, it's going to come out, it's going to leak out of us if we're containing stress.
Speaker A:And with me, it would, it would maybe not come out in words, but it would come out because I would be short tempered or distracted.
Speaker A:Present but not present.
Speaker B:Right in the room, but not there.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And so, so that was not very, you know, not very productive.
Speaker A:And I remember, I remember one time, you know, I was trying to tell you about what was going on at work and again, you, you weren't working in the office.
Speaker A:You, you had a whole, whole bunch of kids, right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:This was when they were younger.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:This is a, this is when I had so much on my plate and.
Speaker A:I was telling you about everything, you know, this and that and this and that, people, problems and, and you just looked at me and you're like, jason, I don't want to hear it.
Speaker A:I cannot handle this anymore.
Speaker A:I'm powerless to do anything about it.
Speaker A:I just can't take it.
Speaker A:And that was a wake up call to me.
Speaker A:I'm like, oh man, I'm dumping all this on you.
Speaker A:And I was trying to use you as a sounding board.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:But it was just too much.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Because you were.
Speaker A:I was carrying my weight.
Speaker A:But you were carrying your own weight.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And trying to juggle doctors, kids, schedules, school signing notes, get meeting with teachers, dentists, doctors, all just all of the things with having five kids.
Speaker B:And probably wasn't five at the time when we had that conversation because, yeah, it was a, it was a while ago, but it doesn't matter.
Speaker B:The weight of a mother to be able to remember and take care of all of the things and all of the details with all of the kids all of the time.
Speaker B:Because a lot of times when we go to bed, it doesn't shut off.
Speaker B:My brain does not compartmentalize the same way his can.
Speaker B:And I can't just turn things off like he can.
Speaker B:So for me to be able to try to help him by listening to what he had to say wasn't working because I couldn't fix it.
Speaker B:And I couldn't.
Speaker B:There was anything I could do about it.
Speaker B:And it was just one more mental load that I couldn't carry.
Speaker B:So I just had to tell him.
Speaker B:I was like, I just can't.
Speaker B:I can't handle it.
Speaker B:I can't carry this.
Speaker B:It's too much.
Speaker A:When you were carrying your own load, you know, one of the things that when you're running a business, that business will suck every ounce of your thought process.
Speaker A:Your bad, your bandwidth.
Speaker A:And I remember many years ago, you know, I was getting up, all I knew was what was on my plate for that day.
Speaker A:I didn't have bandwidth to think about what you had to deal with.
Speaker A:And I'll never forget, I'm sitting in my office one day and in the middle of the day, you walk in with one of the kids screaming and plopped this kid right on my desk and said, I'm leaving her with you.
Speaker B:Well, it was, I had five at the time and it was going school supply shopping.
Speaker B:And so I had printed their list out and I had given the top three going to school their list for what they needed.
Speaker B:And we went to the school section of, you know, the, the store where they have all the school supplies.
Speaker B:And I, I had it a toddler in one of those little umbrella strollers.
Speaker B:And then I had a baby in an infant carrier in a cart.
Speaker B:So I had the two little ones with me with the three bigger ones, empty carts by me.
Speaker B:And the three bigger ones would walk to whatever that was on their list and they would get it, they would show it to me, and I would say, yes, put it in the cart, or no, don't they have something else?
Speaker B:And we were doing this whole thing and I was really on top of trying to be organized with all of this and making this go so well.
Speaker B:Well, the toddler decided that she wanted a little, and it was a silly little lunchbox.
Speaker B:And I said no.
Speaker B:Well, in our house, no means no, and we're not giving in to a tantrum.
Speaker B:This isn't happening.
Speaker B:And the tantrum just blew up.
Speaker B:Well, she was so little at the time, she couldn't unbuckle her little belt to get out of that chair.
Speaker B:So she started like bloody murder, screaming, face beat red.
Speaker B:It was terrible.
Speaker B:So, so I looked at the other kids and I said, all right, here's what we're going to do.
Speaker B:I took the baby in the infant car seat and I picked her up and I had the oldest one pushed the toddler screaming in the stroller.
Speaker B:And I pulled all three cards up to the front and I found a manager and I said, hey, I need you to do me a favor.
Speaker B:I, I will have to handle this situation real quick.
Speaker B:Can you hold these cards for me?
Speaker B:I promise we'll be back.
Speaker B:And they, they're like, oh, yeah, no problem, no problem.
Speaker B:So we get out to the car and I'm literally having to like, for, like, she, as, as my oldest daughter is trying to push this kid down the hallway.
Speaker B:She's pushing on that little bar, on that little umbrella stroller so the wheels won't move.
Speaker B:So I said, just pop her back up on two wheels so she can, so we can get out of here.
Speaker B:So she pops her up on two wheels, we get out of there.
Speaker B:I'm putting her in her car seat.
Speaker B:She won't sit back.
Speaker B:So I'm shoving her down on her chest.
Speaker B:And because I can't get her five point harness buckled, it was a whole thing.
Speaker B:And the office wasn't far away.
Speaker B:And I, I've never done this.
Speaker B:And I, I don't like when dad's the bad guy because I don't want him to ever be the bad guy.
Speaker B:But I was like at the end of myself with a baby and trying to get school supplies done.
Speaker B:It was so much on me.
Speaker B:And so I just drove her to the office, and.
Speaker B:And she's going, no, not dad.
Speaker B:Not dad, please.
Speaker B:No, I'll be good.
Speaker B:I was like, it's too late.
Speaker B:We're over.
Speaker B:We're done.
Speaker B:So I get her out, and I bring her in, and I was like, here, go.
Speaker B:I have to go back to Target now and get the rest of our stuff.
Speaker B:So, yeah, like, stuff like that sometimes happens.
Speaker B:Kids have meltdowns for no particular reason.
Speaker B:She learned a lesson that day.
Speaker B:And when she.
Speaker B:When I say no, she knew I was serious.
Speaker B:After that, was it.
Speaker B:Was it hard on me to do that lesson?
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:But that was my job as a parent.
Speaker B:To be her mom, not to be her friend and not to cave every time she cried about something or would make my life way worse every day.
Speaker A:No, the point is.
Speaker A:The point is the things that you.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:You're carrying weight.
Speaker A:She's carrying weight.
Speaker A:The wife's often carrying weight that the husband doesn't see.
Speaker A:And again, I'm saying he and her because it's typically the guy who's running a home improvement business, not always.
Speaker A:Yours may be the opposite, and that's okay, but she needs to understand the weight he's carrying, and he needs to understand the weight she's carrying.
Speaker A:And when you can help each other carry the load together, you can carry so much more.
Speaker A:And that just comes down to, you know, it's easy when you've got kids and you've got a business.
Speaker A:It's easy to become household managers, roommates instead of husband and wife, lovers, best friends.
Speaker A:And that's one of the things that is so important that, you know, when Rochelle and I have drifted in our vision and, look, it's my job back to the guy.
Speaker A:It's my job as a husband to make sure I'm putting out the vision, okay?
Speaker A:And she is my partner in this.
Speaker A:And this is a vision that what we're doing is something that God's given us, and we're doing this together.
Speaker A:But when we start drifting in different directions, that's when the friction comes.
Speaker A:That's when we get stuck in the mud.
Speaker A:We start getting maybe introspective and selfish a little.
Speaker A:And we've had some times when we've just had to say, hey, can we have a reset?
Speaker A:And we'll grab hands and we'll pray together and just reset things right there and remember why we are doing this.
Speaker A:Because it's easy to get it caught up.
Speaker A:I know sometimes those toddlers, sometimes those kids.
Speaker A:I mean, literally, you just want to murder them.
Speaker A:Kind of the same thing at work, huh?
Speaker A:Kind of same thing at work.
Speaker A:But you can either be a victim of your business, or you can make your business serve your life.
Speaker A:And too many times, I see this all the time.
Speaker A:The business is just sucking away the life, and you've got the wife over here who's gasping for air.
Speaker A:And maybe that air is help, practical help in the home, or maybe that air is attention, even being seen, right?
Speaker A:Because a lot of you.
Speaker A:A lot of you guys can.
Speaker A:Can be workaholics and just work all the time.
Speaker A:Not everybody.
Speaker A:But, you know, we've got to.
Speaker A:We've got to look at why we're doing this.
Speaker A:Why are we building this business?
Speaker A:Because, look, if your business is sucking your life away and you're not making any money, why not just get rid of it and go work a job and let someone else carry the stress?
Speaker A:Because I can tell you what.
Speaker A:A great home improvement salesperson makes a ton of money, more than most owners, and they run three appointments a day, and then they go home and don't have to think about anymore.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:There's a lot less stress in that.
Speaker A:And that's maybe something you need.
Speaker A:You need to consider.
Speaker A:But, you know, as we.
Speaker A:As we've gone through these seasons, we've learned.
Speaker A:We've learned a lot of hard lessons, you know, another one.
Speaker A:And this is, you know, a weight that you were carrying.
Speaker A:You know, you dealt with cancer that could have taken you out, and you had all these surgeries.
Speaker A:And I just remember at that time, because I was going to all these doctor's appointments with you and spending time with you, and I'm literally like, I don't know if I'm going to be a single parent here pretty soon.
Speaker A:That's what I was thinking.
Speaker A:And at that moment, I was so thankful for my team at work.
Speaker A:I was so thankful that I had built a team of people and they were all playing their part and the company was thriving while I was gone.
Speaker A:That made me feel.
Speaker A:That made me feel really good.
Speaker A:So I couldn't imagine, wow, what if I was still the Superman at work, having to do all of this?
Speaker A:Something was going to.
Speaker A:Something was going to lose out.
Speaker A:It was either going to be you or it was going to be the kids or it was going to be work.
Speaker A:And because of.
Speaker A:Because I was able to step away from work.
Speaker A:No, no, nothing lost out.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:The team rose.
Speaker A:And so if we.
Speaker A:If we're not careful, the business is going to steal from our lives.
Speaker A:So how do we.
Speaker A:What are Some tips.
Speaker A:What would we say?
Speaker A:What would you say to, first of all, to that wife who her husband is fully consumed in the business, what would you say to her?
Speaker B:Well, I think that one of the biggest things is that I think the two of you have to sit down and make sure you're headed in the same direction.
Speaker B:Because if you're not headed in the same direction or you don't know where you're going, it's very hard to be patient in the times where he's going to be gone and it's summer and he's working all those long days and to not call him unless you absolutely need him.
Speaker B:And those are the times where, you know, you'll.
Speaker B:You learn how to not survive, but you kind of just be patient in the wings.
Speaker B:And I know that when the season slows down or when I know that it's Sunday, it's going to be my turn.
Speaker B:And there are times where that's just real life.
Speaker B:And sometimes the business has to be first for a little bit, and that's okay, but it doesn't last forever.
Speaker B:And that's the other thing too is like a lot of people are like, oh, the terrible twos.
Speaker B:They're throwing tantrums and all this stuff all the time.
Speaker B:And it's hard.
Speaker B:Well, yeah, everything's hard, but it's a season and it'll go, it'll pass.
Speaker B:And you don't throw your baby out because they're having a tantrum every other day.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:So your husband needs a minute sometimes to build a business that he's going to have more time in the future.
Speaker B:And those are the things you have to focus on is what we're building together.
Speaker B:I'm doing my part, he's doing his part.
Speaker B:And sometimes those parts are seeming like they're very separate.
Speaker B:But as long as you have that path, and it's not your path and his path, but.
Speaker B:But it's Yalls path that touch back and forth and, you know, okay, we're good.
Speaker B:We're checked in.
Speaker B:This is where we're headed.
Speaker B:What do you need from me?
Speaker B:How can I be better?
Speaker B:I pray over his pillow.
Speaker B:He just found this out, but I was teaching at the what at the.
Speaker B:I think the leadership retreat.
Speaker B:One of the things that's really important for me, though, is that I follow him wherever he's going to go, because I know that he talks to God and his answers come from God and that he does what God tells him to do.
Speaker B:And so where there are times where we're not agreeing on something.
Speaker B:And I feel like he's gonna make a decision that's not my choice.
Speaker B:But I just go pray over his pillow.
Speaker B:And I don't pray for what I want, and I don't pray for what he wants.
Speaker B:I pray for God to give us.
Speaker B:Give him the answer for what we need.
Speaker B:And when he talks to God, God's going to tell him that answer.
Speaker B:And then I trust and know that he's going to do it.
Speaker B:So if he comes to me and says, look, this is what we're going to do.
Speaker B:This is where we're headed with this, I'm a thousand percent in because I know that.
Speaker B:I know that.
Speaker B:I know that he's talked to God and that's the answer that he's gotten.
Speaker B:So I don't worry about a lot of things with decisions that he has to make because I don't want his job and I don't want his responsibility, and I don't want to tell him what to do.
Speaker B:I want God to tell him what to do for us.
Speaker B:Because this can be better than my idea anyway.
Speaker A:You know, one of the, One of the things that.
Speaker A:That's hard, by the way.
Speaker A:One of the things I. I'm going to talk to the guys for a second.
Speaker A:And some of the guys, I don't know if it's them wanting this or if it's their spouse wanting this.
Speaker A:They.
Speaker A:They have an unrealistic expectation of what it takes to actually build a business.
Speaker A:It takes significant time and effort, especially if you're going to build a freedom machine.
Speaker A:You can build a job or you can build a freedom machine.
Speaker A:And sometimes guys are telling me their schedule, and I'm like, well, that's actually not that bad.
Speaker A:Like, I look like when I was, when I was young, my dad worked all around the country.
Speaker A:He was on a plane like four times a week.
Speaker A:And I saw him maybe on the weekends.
Speaker A:Very rarely did I even see him at all during the week because he was out of town, living out of a suitcase.
Speaker A:And worse yet, you know, my mom, when she was little, her dad was off to the war for, like, two years.
Speaker A:She didn't see her dad for two years.
Speaker A:And I'm not trying to say those, that either of those are great circumstances, but when you, you know, when you have a business, you may work late and you may work long hours, but guess what?
Speaker A:You can still adjust your time when you want to, if you want to.
Speaker A:You can work late after the kids go to bed, you know, go home, spend your time with the kids.
Speaker A:I Know, a lot of contractors that do that, they'll clock out, they'll have dinner, spend time with the kids, tuck them in bed, and then they'll spend a few hours working, and then they'll go to sleep.
Speaker A:That's just one of the things that you can do to not take away from your family, but you're going to have to give something up.
Speaker A:What I gave up was I gave up hobbies and, and friendships really, is really what I gave up.
Speaker A:And my life was filled with three things.
Speaker A:My family, our church, and the business.
Speaker A:Those were the three domains in my life.
Speaker A:And so, you know, there is a cost to building a business, but it should never be a cost that is harming my relationship.
Speaker A:And Rochelle understands that there's been seasons when I've had to work late, work long, and she also understands there's going to be times when I'm going to work light and spend more and spend more time with her, and that's part of the ebb and flow of, of the seasons.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Harvest time, there's planting time, harvest time.
Speaker A:And so, so I would.
Speaker A:I would suggest that, you know, here's a place where you can start, okay?
Speaker A:You two get together and say, what do we want this life?
Speaker A:What do we want out of this life?
Speaker A:Yeah, let's start there.
Speaker A:You know, and if you like to pray, if you're a believer, maybe say, God, show us.
Speaker A:Show us the way.
Speaker B:I wrote a little weekend thing outline that people can do to.
Speaker B:To realign.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker A:Okay, all right, so maybe we can.
Speaker A:Maybe we can include a link to that here with this.
Speaker A:With this episode.
Speaker A:Yeah, so.
Speaker A:So let's.
Speaker A:Let's start here.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:You two have to get aligned on what do you want for your life?
Speaker A:What are you.
Speaker A:What place do you want this business to play in your life?
Speaker A:And what are you willing to give up to go up?
Speaker A:You have to give up to go up.
Speaker A:What are you going to give up?
Speaker A:And I hope that you choose to give up the right things.
Speaker A:Now, from there, I would suggest that you guys.
Speaker A:I'm speaking to the guys.
Speaker A:When you come home, you clock out, you get a reset, you spend time with the family, and then when the kids go to bed, you can turn it back on for a bit if you need to.
Speaker A:If you need to work after hours.
Speaker B:Yeah, about that.
Speaker B:So I would rather him come home, put the phone down, put the computer down, and spend a solid hour, two hours, whatever he has to give with us and being with the kids and being at dinner present rather than a halfway there dad.
Speaker B:Or an angry dad.
Speaker B:I want the kids to see a happy dad, a fun dad, a present dad.
Speaker B:And if your office is going to burn down, if your office is going to burn down in an hour of you putting your phone down, you've got way bigger problems.
Speaker B:It's true.
Speaker B:And you're not going to fix anything in that hour that you can't fix later.
Speaker B:There's.
Speaker B:There shouldn't be something that's that detrimental to your business that you can't put the phone down for an hour.
Speaker A:So let me ask you this, Rochelle.
Speaker A:From the wife's perspective, what.
Speaker A:What.
Speaker A:What can the wife do to help protect his mindset and his attitude the moment he walks in the door so that he is the happy dad, the present dad, the fun dad?
Speaker B:Well, I think a lot of it comes down to, like you were talking about earlier.
Speaker B:You see your lane and your stuff and your things you have to do.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And I see all of my things I have to do.
Speaker B:And if we don't have a little bit of grace with each other and a little bit of sympathy and empathy for what they're doing and their role in this as part of a team together, you're not even.
Speaker B:You're not fighting against each other.
Speaker B:You're on the same team.
Speaker B:And there are so many women out there that don't have a husband that has a job even, or that takes care of them or wants to take care of them.
Speaker B:And I know that when he walks in the door and he's been working all day, that's all he's doing, is out there trying.
Speaker B:He's fighting for us.
Speaker B:He's.
Speaker B:He's providing for us.
Speaker B:And so to be grateful in that and to be thankful for those things, and, uh, it doesn't.
Speaker B:It doesn't take any effort whatsoever just to say thank you and cooking a nice meal and maybe picking up around the house a little bit.
Speaker B:And that's not always the way it's going to be, and it's not always the easiest thing to do, but.
Speaker B:And I know a lot of wives work and a lot of lives.
Speaker B:Wives even work in the painting business.
Speaker B:And so it's really hard for you guys, I'm sure, to separate.
Speaker B:Like, we're not going to talk about work at the table, so I know that can be hard, too.
Speaker B:So there's.
Speaker B:There are little things that.
Speaker B:Just making sure that when he comes home, that it's a peaceful place to come home to.
Speaker B:Because who wants to come home to a nagging wife?
Speaker B:I wouldn't.
Speaker A:Nobody.
Speaker A:So everybody's got to do their part.
Speaker B:Yeah, Right.
Speaker A:I mean, he's got to do.
Speaker B:Because your part doesn't look like his part doesn't mean you're not a part.
Speaker A:Well, my parts don't look like your parts.
Speaker B:Well, thank you.
Speaker B:Gross.
Speaker A:But in reality, we were made for different things, right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And I can't carry the load.
Speaker A:You and I can't carry your load.
Speaker B:I don't want your load.
Speaker A:I don't want yours.
Speaker B:It's too much.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I don't want you to stand before God one day, and if I try to make decisions for him or for our family that weren't my place, he's going to ask me why I was doing that.
Speaker B:I don't want that responsibility.
Speaker B:My shoulders weren't built for all of that.
Speaker A:That's good.
Speaker A:That's good.
Speaker B:I'm little and dainty, and I like to stay that way.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So one day is, again, this long time ago, I walked in late, okay.
Speaker A:And she meets me, like, at the front door.
Speaker A:Not at the front door, but almost at the front door.
Speaker A:She made a beeline for me as soon as she heard me pull up, and.
Speaker A:And she's like, you're late again.
Speaker A:Hold on, let me redo it.
Speaker A:You're late again.
Speaker B:Okay, maybe.
Speaker A:No, it wasn't like that.
Speaker B:No one believes.
Speaker A:Everybody knows that.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:And I said, honey, I'm doing all of this for you and the kids.
Speaker A:And you looked at me and you said, jason, I don't need any of this.
Speaker A:You said, I'd rather live in a shack and have you than have a mansion and have you working all the time.
Speaker A:And at the.
Speaker A:In that moment, that thought swirled in my mind.
Speaker A:I don't know, for it felt like 30 seconds.
Speaker A:I'm like, wait, she doesn't care about any of this.
Speaker A:She just really wants me.
Speaker A:Like, me, me, you know?
Speaker A:And it took me a while to reconcile that.
Speaker A:That.
Speaker A:That it's not about the stuff.
Speaker A:And not that I ever thought you were, you know, a gold digger.
Speaker A:A gold digger.
Speaker B:Because you had nothing.
Speaker B:Very bad gold digger.
Speaker A:I had nothing.
Speaker A:Which is true.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:But.
Speaker A:But it would just, you know, it's when.
Speaker A:Because, you know, by this time, you had a house, you had new car.
Speaker B:You just got me a car.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:Kids, you know, kids had new shoes.
Speaker A:They had everything they needed.
Speaker A:And, you know, money was flowing.
Speaker A:But what?
Speaker A:You know, I was bankrupt on time.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And I was like.
Speaker B:I didn't get married to be a single mom.
Speaker B:Sorry.
Speaker A:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B:Not doing.
Speaker A:And so that was one of those moments that really, that really hit me.
Speaker A:And I guess that made me love you even that much more for that, for that moment.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It was, it was uncomfortable to hear because it meant that I needed to change my thinking because I wasn't thinking about things.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And I needed that perspective from you because my perspective is, go, go, go.
Speaker A:Conquer, conquer, conquer, accomplish, accomplish, accomplish.
Speaker A:And I wasn't, I was climbing the ladder, but it was leaning up against the wrong wall.
Speaker A:And so that was, that was a wake up call for me.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:But friends, as you're, as you're listening to this, I want to challenge you.
Speaker A:Build a business that serves your life.
Speaker A:Give your spouse grace.
Speaker A:Give your kids the time.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:And if you really want to dive deep on this subject, come to one of our marriage retreats.
Speaker A:They're in Maui.
Speaker A:It is a, it is a week to remember.
Speaker A:We would love to have you there.
Speaker A:We'll drop a link in here with this episode and for now, we'll say God bless you.
Speaker A:And, Rachelle, thank you so much for joining us today.
Speaker B:I'm always here.
Speaker A:Bye now.
Speaker B:Love you.
Speaker B:Bye.
Speaker A:If today's episode helped you, don't do this journey alone.
Speaker A:Join thousands of other contractors inside the Contractor Freedom community at contractor freedom live.com and start building the business, the team, and the life you really want.
Speaker A:We'll see you next time.
